Dating Advice: Anatomy of a Crush
May 27th, 2009 by Charles F-Cuninghame
I couldn’t believe it: my grandmother was setting me up with a woman! I went to her house for lunch. When I got there she told me she had invited one of her workmates, Justine, too.
The way my grandmother was raving on about Justine made me realise I was being match-made.
As it turns out Justine was a pretty woman with beautiful brown eyes and a lively smile. She loved to paint and travel around the world, and her ambition was to become a travel writer.
I found myself flirting with her, and later that night I couldn’t get her out of my head. I felt all warm and tingly and started fantasising about the two of us living together in a seaside shack in Sicily.
But it was strange because I didn’t really know much about her. What she likes, dislikes, what her nature is. And yet I was already dreaming about us living happily together. That’s when I realized this was a crush. My fast-beating heart and inability to concentrate on anything else confirmed my diagnosis.
A clinical psychologist at California University, Beverly Palmer, has rightly put it: “A crush is bred on lack of knowledge. It’s driven by unrequited love and that unrequitedness, that secrecy, keeps it fuelled.”
When you have a crush, it’s important to remember that it’s just a fantasy. That way you can enjoy it for what it is - a pleasant diversion. You may be thinking love, but in reality it’s more likely to be lust that’s fuelling your crush. And if you get too enmeshed in the crush, and can’t distinguish fantasy from reality, you might be headed for heart break.
A crush doesn’t always result in the satisfaction we crave. Instead it very often leads to unrequited love. And if you do pursue your crush seriously, you might find the object of your desire isn’t the person you imagined them to be.
So if you do decide to act on your crush keep an open mind. The object of your crush probably won’t be the person you imagined them to be. But they might be an exciting proposition nonetheless.
And if you decide not to approach your crushee, just revel in the fantasy. A crush will certainly make your life more interesting. The prospect of a chance encounter makes the senses tingle.
