Fighting To Save Your Family In The Face Of Infidelity
May 3rd, 2008 by Alex Archer
Marital infidelity is a selfish act with the participant rarely considering their action’s impacts on those around them. This is especially harmful when it comes to the ramifications regarding children who get caught up in the middle of the situation. Quite often the negative consequences that arise in the event of the affair being made public are used as a rationalization by the offending party to hide his or her actions. However, true reconciliation requires honesty and admission of one’s transgressions.
Spousal trust is shattered in the face of an affair. When mistrust creeps into a marriage the first to notice are the children. Children need to be raised by two trusting parents and learn from that example. Being exposed to the opposite often leads to developmental issues.
The discord resulting from the event is another of the effects of infidelity on family. In some families, children are raised with constant arguing and disagreement. Such behavior may be rare or nonexistent in the experience of others, however, and the arguing and tension caused by an affair can be very difficult for others to manage.
Especially difficult is when both sets of children from each family effected become involuntarily immersed in the fighting. In many small communities, where all local children go to the same school, these battles can take on a life of their own.
While being open and honest is the requisite first step in healing the relationship, it is not advised to share every graphic detail with children. Each family is unique, and you are the best judge of your child’s level of maturity and ability to process information.
Deciding when and how much to tell one’s children about an affair can be very difficult. Often, the assistance of a neutral third party can be invaluable in helping the children to understand and cope with the emotional pain of the situation. This also allows them a safe outlet for expressing negative feelings toward their parents without fear of emotional fallout on the entire family unit.
Many people find counselors, clergy and other experts very useful in providing information as well as mediation in some instances. Many marriages are saved with such assistance. But it is important to find counselors who have experience successfully helping to repair marriages. Infidelity causes damage like no other and often requires specialized advice.
Getting over infidelity in a relationship can prove to be very difficult. However, it is well worth trying. Your marriage arose from a strong sense of love and trust, much of which still survives. It is incumbent upon both parties to use that starting point to redevelop that portion of it which was lost.
