Marriage: Staying Together In The 21st Century
May 6th, 2008 by Marriage Saver
The majority of married couples stayed married for many hundreds of centuries leading up to the 19th-century. Most married couples stayed together because that was either the thing to do or out of necessity or because that’s all they knew. But of course not every marriage was a happy marriage.
Now that we have entered the 21st century, there are more couples than ever who have decided to divorce or separate. The rate of divorce is approximately 50%. In the American culture especially, there are many reasons for divorce or separation. Even though it is easier than ever to get a divorce, the aftermath is rarely ever easy.
Here’s an interesting question - does anyone actually enter a marriage, thinking that they will end in divorce? There will always be challenges in a marriage relationship. There will always be things people can do to try and minimize problems. There will always be things people can do to try and head off divorce. Although divorce has been with us for hundreds of years, let’s try and find a few ways to stay married.
As a couple gets married, their vows often include a statement such as, “till death do us part” and “in sickness and in health,” words suggesting that they are going to make this work. However, when the going gets tough it gets easier and easier to want to split or to actually split up. So, first and foremost, beginning a marriage with a commitment to stay together is one good foundation to stand on. This means we will not bail at the first sign of trouble.
If you didn’t make a commitment, and you find yourself in your marriage struggling, it’s not too late to make a commitment like that. Say to each other, “I’m sorry, I’ve made mistakes, I care about you, I love you” and love means working this out. That’s my commitment to you, and if each person makes that commitment, there is hope.
Now, how does a couple proceed to heal and to carry out this new commitment. Some couples are able to do this on their own but most require some type of assistance, either through their church or synagogue or maybe friends or family, and possibly some professional counseling. The main thing is to make a plan and do something different.
Until your new plan becomes a habit, it will take some effort to carry this out and you may need some outside help. Before you seek some other assistance you may want to try something simple like making a date night on the weekend. Also, be intentional about saying nice things to each other on a daily basis. Again, it will take a number of weeks for this to become a habit. So you may need to write it down and look at your plan often as you carry out the acts that tell your spouse that you care.
Making these nice gesture is showing that you care is not a cure all for your new commitment and it doesn’t always work. However, if you really do care about each other, if you want to make your marriage work if you want to be happier together, make an effort to do something nice for that person. Make them happy and give to the relationship, don’t take from it. If each person gives to the relationship, there’s a very good chance for the marriage to grow and become happier.
