Reducing the Effects of Divorce on Your Kids
Nov 10th, 2008 by Carol Cavanaugh
We live in a time when the divorce rate still hovers at approximately 40-50% for most first marriages. It is these first marriages that are the most likely to produce children, hence the need for both parents to make the emotional and psychological needs of their children a priority.
One of the first things parents must acknowledge is that their children are far more aware of marital problems than they may give them credit for. Many times arguments are accidentally overheard, and a lack of harmony between mom and dad is all too easy to spot. Lack of physical affection, strained conversations, and the absence of a parent are things that only a young baby is likely to miss. Parents need to communicate with their children once they decide to separate, and let them know that it’s okay to ask questions.
It is up to both parents to treat children with never ending love even after the divorce has taken place. Many children tend to blame themselves for the divorce of their parents, criticizing and taking it personally. Doing so will truly damage children, especially emotionally as they continue to grow. If the children are subjected to the usual warm affections, such as a few additional kisses and hugs as well as a walk in the park, they will feel a lot better about themselves.
Because the childrens’ parents are a major source in building character, the parents must make sure to be good examples for their children on how to behave. If actions such as drinking tons of alcohol or taking part in casual affairs are done after a divorce, children may become confused and unsure what to think about the whole situation.
Both parents must also remember that no matter what, they are connected for life through their children. Negative comments made about one parent by the other parent are uncalled for, and can erode the sense of trust between the parent doing the bad-mouthing and his or her children. Words have power, and can either be used to cause damage or bolster trust and confidence.
When separated, parents must keep a close watch on their children during play time or whenever it is appropriate. Therefore, school parent/teacher conferences are important. If children start struggling through homework or academic subjects, it is a sure sign that they are distressed. Regularly talking to the children and helping with homework as well as test studying can be a great help in regards to the childrens’ growth. Also, in order for the children to feel like they matter and are loved, parents must make an effort to go to the childrens’ extra curricular activities.
It takes a lot of extra effort, but when divorcing parents decide to work together to make this painful transition easier for their children, the benefits are tremendous. Without being subjected to a turbulent home life, children can quickly learn that it’s not the end of the world, and they can feel confident and secure in the love of both mom and dad.
