Arguably one of the most difficult things we will ever do in our lives is saving a relationship. These moments are highly charged with emotion and consequently we run the risks of saying and doing things that we will probably regret later. As such, we realize just how easily can we lose the person we love forever.
When we get involved with the emotions of a break-up, we tend to do things that make sense on an emotional level but turn out being way wrong on a tactical level. Just look at the stock market. While things are going down, people are selling when they should really be buying while prices are low (buy low, sell high, right?) This counterintuitive approach is difficult because our emotions overrule our logic. In the same way, we might feel that calling our ex and letting him or her know just how much we love them and miss them is the right thing to do. It makes sense on an emotional level. But in reality, we need to take a counterintuitive approach to saving a relationship.
I have written before about accepting the break up decision. It’s one of the first steps in saving a relationship. You need to let your ex know that you understand the decision and appreciate him or her making that difficult decision. Let them know that you appreciate your freedom, and do this with as positive an attitude as possible. While doing this will be extremely difficult, it is an essential step.
In keeping with the counterintuitive steps, the next thing you must do is stop communicating with your ex. Taking this next step will have two great effects. The first is that give your ex some time alone to wonder why you were so compliant about the break-up. Plus, your ex will wonder why you had such a great, positive attitude about the whole thing. The image in your ex’s mind will be of a happy, free single. And this was probably how you met; as a happy and free single! This image will result in memories of the good times (a good thing).
The next great effect is that your ex will stop justifying to him or herself why the break-up happened since they will be too busy with this happy, positive image of you. This provides something of a distraction and time alone to ponder this positive, free image of you. It is an essential step to saving a relationship. With no way to communicate with you and a positive image in mind, your ex will wonder why they broke up in the first place.
The two counterintuitive steps above provide a basic foundation for saving a relationship. These steps are both difficult to take and require a fair amount of trust in the strength of your relationship. But if it’s worth anything, consider that most folks are averse to change. It is in our nature to tolerate mediocrity in our relationship than to seek out someone new.
