Stop Trying to Figure Out The Reason Why Men Leave
Nov 9th, 2008 by Samantha Fulcher
Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of dying in a car accident than by getting struck by lighting. You have a better shot at losing money at a black jack table than winning a million dollars at a slot machine. While most can agree with these statistical probabilities, many argue that the reason why men leave has to do with the level of attention they give their men. “My man is different,” or “I give my man all the attention he needs” are common.
Mild introspection is needed when we ponder the reason why men leave. Since the term “attention” casts a broad web, we need to dig deeper into the true cause true motivation for their leaving. Since no man is the same, no man craves the same type of attention. Some want respect, some want sexual interest, some want admiration. Typically, however, a man will crave admiration.
Therefore, what we need to understand about our man is the type of attention he craves. With statistics on our side, it makes sense to focus on admiration as their preferred type of attention. If we start here, that’s fine, but true progress happens once we can determine exactly how they want us to admire them! Of course, literal admiration differs from showing admiration, and we need to keep this is in mind.
Most women will come up with a grab bag full of excuses for the reason why men leave. Excuses like he liked it better when I wore more make-up (making him a superficial jerk), excuses like he preferred when I wore mini-skirts instead of baggy sweat pants (making him a pervert), excuses like he gets angry because I don’t laugh at his jokes anymore (making him a bad comic), and so on. Coming up with these common excuses essentially allows us to shift the blame when, in reality, it was always a superficial, perverted jerk who couldn’t put a joke together if it came typed on a cue card. But you see, he was always this way. And this is where we need to weigh whether fake-laughing at his jokes is really worth the effort in keeping him.
Sticking to the admiration theme, we can almost rationalize why men might find the admiration of another woman attractive. Most times, this other woman lacks our intellect (she laughs at his dumbest jokes), she comes across as the poster-child for liberalism (she wears outfits that would get her arrested after a certain hour on a certain street corner), and she seems barely legal or has had cosmetic surgery, or is clearly one reason why some cosmetics companies are still in business. These may be broad generalizations (and they are meant to be this way) but they describe quite well most women’s description of that “other” woman.
Ultimately, the reason why men leave has more to do with their desires and cravings for attention, for admiration. At one point in time, we provided that admiration… and our man loved it! They never stared at other women (yes, those cheap ones who laugh at anything), they seemed interested in us and worked hard to keep us happy. But with time, they dwell on us less and less. We admire them less and less. And so the cycle begins until they dwell on someone else and we are left wondering why they changed.
Worrying about the reason why men leave is counterproductive and gets us nowhere. To make progress, we would be wise to understand the basics of the male ego so we can cater to it. By doing so, we can worry less about them losing interest in us, about them finding someone else. Unfortunately, this level of understanding takes a bit of work on our part, but once we peel away all of those layers and have a true understanding of their needs and the type of admiration they need, we can deliver precisely what they want. As a benefit to us, we will see this attention channeled back from them. We will feel appreciated more, loved more, and so on. Everyone is happy. Like our teachers always said, “treat others as you want others to treat you.” It goes a long way.
