The Dirty Truth About Affairs
May 13th, 2008 by Marshall Duke
Infidelity. What a scary word. When one thinks of a cheating spouse, one usually thinks of a movie or someone else - rarely do we consider infidelity occurring in our own home. Until the day you suspect you are living with a cheater.
To start, the slow realization of a cheating spouse is a tiny alarm going off on your internal radar. Your spouses comings and goings start to raise your suspicions. Perhaps he/she has many phone calls at strange hours. Maybe your spouse just seems “absent” from your relationship - but happy. Bottom line is, most betrayed spouses can pinpoint the moment when adultery became reality in their life.
No two affairs are the same, but the majority of unfaithful spouses have some dirty traits in common. These same traits are the tools to your sanity as you can watch for them in your spouse, and then empower yourself to take the action you need.
Cheating spouses hate lying to you - at first. Yes, it is true. Most spouses that are cheating really struggle with the dishonesty at first. Over time, the guilt becomes dull, and lying becomes a way of life and a matter of survival. If your spouse is portraying a very guilty attitude around you of late, you may have caught him/her at the beginning of an affair.
Unfaithful spouses are also very stressed-out human beings. All the stress of lying, keeping up two dishonest lives, keeping all the lies in order, and trying to keep two partners content can be extremely over-whelming and begin to take its toll. While a brand-new affair is not quite as stressful as an older affair, most cheating spouses sub-consciously wish you would catch them so it will all just be over.
Cheaters need modern technology to keep their affair alive and well. Email and cell phones make infidelity much easier to maintain - they also make infidelity much easier to begin in the first place. If you suspect adultery in your relationship, start by going through all email and cell phone accounts. Any questionable email addresses or cell phone numbers should be traced right away.
Keep in mind that not all cheaters are bad people. Affairs actually can happen to decent people. Yes, an affair can even happen to a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being considered a “failure” due to a lapse in judgment keeps most unfaithful spouses involved in an affair.
If adultery is actually confirmed in your relationship, there are factors you must keep in at forethought. The next days, actions and decisions are all about you, the betrayed spouse. Do not spend your precious energy brooding over on the other woman (or man), do not spend your energy thinking about your unfaithful spouse. You have just experienced a very traumatic experience event that is centered around trust. The misconception is that healing from infidelity involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this might be on your list of future issues to deal with, this should not be your immediate concern. Your first issue to tackle will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.
Unfaithful spouses thrive off of the self-doubt betrayed spouses allow into their minds. The desire to trust your spouse is stronger than your desire to find out someone you are with is not trust-worthy. When infidelity is confirmed, the first victim of trust-issues to be healed is the betrayed spouse - You. Take all the time you need for yourself and heal yourself before you begin any other adjustments in your life.
